It’s totally normal to have sex fantasies. Here, 25 of the most common ones, and how to bring them to life.
In a post-Fifty Shades era, we’re increasingly encouraged to discuss our sex fantasies out in the open—or at least own up to them in our private lives. Taboos are eroding, sexual norms are shifting, and we’re likelier than ever to crow from the rooftops about what turns us on.
Here, thanks to recent studies, research, and well, ladies just sharing their brilliant insight, are 25 of the most common fantasies women have. Do yours fall into these categories? Or are you more of an outlier? (Remember, either is totally fine.)
Both giving and receiving head came up as a top fantasy in one study. While oral isn’t exactly “out there,” it can be imbued with a kink dynamic that sets it apart from activities traditionally understood to be mutually pleasurable, like penis-in-vagina sex. You might sometimes view giving oral sex as a submissive service, for example, or a dominant act of taking what’s yours. Meanwhile, receiving oral might make you feel like a pampered queen in her throne or a thoroughly ravaged snack. However you frame it, it’s clear that tons of people find oral sex hot as hell. Know about oral sex through WebMD.
Sex in public
The thrill of sex in a public or semi-public place has long been a popular fantasy: dark alleys, public bathrooms, and movie theaters are common choices. The thrill of getting caught is one commonly-cited reason, as is a general interest in exhibitionism. This can be a risky endeavor for your criminal record and for the wellbeing of passersby, so it’s probably one that’s better left a fantasy.
Sex in an unusual location
Even if you’re fantasizing about the same old sex acts you always fall back on, out-of-the-ordinary settings like a hotel room, a sex club, or the kitchen counter can heat up your imaginings.
You can be perfectly happy with your partner and still find something electrically exciting about the idea of cheating on them. It could be the danger of getting caught that draws you in, the freshness of a new sexual connection, or something else entirely. As with many fantasies, it’s important to keep in mind that wanting to imagine this type of sex doesn’t necessarily mean you want to have this type of sex. But if you do, maybe some form of ethical non-monogamy is an avenue you should explore?
Missionary might do it for some, but for others, pegging is a big turn-on. For those who aren’t familiar, pegging is where a woman has anal sex with someone using a strap-on, and—for those who are game—it can be a surefire way to flip the script on vanilla sex. Hot tip: It’s not for everyone, but if you’re intrigued, talk to your S.O. to see if he/she’s down with this type of get down.
Fifty Shades of Grey normalized this fantasy more widely than ever before; one study found 65 percent of women crave being dominated. There’s a wide palette of fantasy scenarios to draw from here. You can picture something as subtle as a trusted partner holding you down by the wrists while they kiss you, all the way up to extreme BDSM involving pain, humiliation, or whatever else your kinky little heart desires.
While not as socially-sanctioned for women as submissiveness, fantasies of being in control in the bedroom are super fun and quite common, with 47 percent of women admitting to having had this fantasy. It can be incredibly hot to call the shots during sex, especially in a culture which systematically tries to strip women of our power both in and out of the bedroom.
From impromptu tools, like neckties à la Christian Grey, to more intense bondage scenarios involving rope, cuffs, or under-the-bed restraints, the thought of being restrained (or restraining someone else) is incredibly hot to many folks. Being unable to move makes you helpless to a partner’s advances, whether those involve pleasure, pain, or a little of both! (Do your research on this one before acting it out, though. There are a lot of ways bondage can go wrong, in an actually-dangerous and not just kinky-dangerous manner.)
Blindfolds are one easy way to explore this avenue. Wearing one keeps you blissfully unaware of what your partner is about to do to you—and putting one on someone else helps you maintain your control and mystique over them. Adding noise-cancelling headphones can also be fun if you really want to keep someone on their toes!
Showing off can be incredibly sexy, especially if the person watching you is as excited about your bangin’ bod as they ought to be! Maybe you fantasize about stripping for a partner, performing in a porn flick, or masturbating for an agog audience. It’s hot to feel hot.
On the flip-side, watching other people get it on can be a massive turn-on. Maybe you imagine peeking at a couple boning in a mall fitting room, sitting in as an anonymous tipper in an online cam show, or watching a boundary-pushing BDSM scene at a dungeon. There are so many possibilities for (consenting) perviness.
Sex with a celebrity
Some 52 percent of women reported having had this fantasy, and with good reason: celebrities are often hot as hell. It’s also often easier and less complicated to picture your fave celeb—say, the star of that primetime comedy you can’t get enough of, or that singer/songwriter whose crooning gets you swooning—than a stranger or someone you actually know in real life. Plus, there’s something affirming about the fantasy of a celebrity choosing you over all the other fawning fangirls available to them.
Sex with an ex
The idea of going there again would be bad, but the ways in which they understand your body can be so, so good. In your fantasy life, you can revisit the excellent ex you’ll (hopefully) never hook up with again, without any of the emotional drama that would arise if you tried. According to Cosmo, having sex with your could be healthy.
Sex with a stranger
Anonymity is probably what draws many people to one-night stands, after all. It’s potentially hot to think that someone would be attracted to you only for your body and your sex appeal, since they don’t really know anything else about you. And when you’re done, you can throw your clothes back on and peace out. Easy-peasy.
Sex with a professor
Being the teacher’s pet is a sexy fantasy, even if you’re all grown up and have been for awhile. Plus, professors are so smart, distinguished, and accomplished…and don’t even get me started on tweed blazers with elbow patches. Yow.